Dear Ronald McDonald,
I don’t know if you really exist, but I was too lazy to google or wiki the real owners of this tasty establishment, so you will have to do. For years you have provided a great fast food service as well as nurturing my childhood and current obesity. Don’t worry, I’m not going to sue you because you made me fat. That was of my own doing and I accept most of the blame. Nor am I going to sue because I was dumb enough to put hot coffee in my mouth and instead of blaming my own moronic decisions, I blame you for not telling me the HOT coffee, was in fact, HOT and then have the audacity to ask for a handsome settlement for my stupidity.
Today, I write in regards to the greatest sandwich ever created. A sandwich so spectacular that they created an episode of the simpsons in its likeness. I speak about the holy grail of sandwiches, the infamous McRib.
McRib, All Sorts Of Awesome...
Each time I take a bite of this magnificant work of art, i feel as if I am tasting meaty morsels of heaven. My crotch area tingles just imagining the smell of Rib yumminess in the air. Everyone who I have encountered, who has tasted the infamous sandwich, had only great things to say about it. A friend, who will renamed nameless, was quoted as saying, he would stick his…thing in it if given the chance. I am sure he has had many of chances to do said deed, and sadly, I feel he has done said deed, time and time again. But I am not here to judge. I am here to beg and plead that you put the McRib on the everyday menu. Why do we have to wait 4 months at a time to eat it? Why do you giveth and then you taketh away. Only God can do that. Are you God? Come to think of it, only an omnipotent being could make such a fucking good sandwich. It is neighter here nor there. Please Ronald Mcdonald or whatever godly name you want to be called. Please, bring back the McRib and this time, bring it back to STAY. If you are a God, be a merciful one…please…I beg you…McRib for life.
Love,
Russel Kealoha 
