Night of the Drunk Douche Bag…

Douche Bag – An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of others with no sense of how moronic he appears.

I never wanted to write this post. I actually wanted to forget this incident even happened. It was for a short lived moment in my life, but it was a moment that ruined my night. I didn’t want to talk about it before, because I know some people will know where I was and more importantly WHO it was. I thought it would be a forgettable footnote in my life. My mind continues to flashback on that night. So it was time for me to share with you about the night that will live in infamy. The night of the drunk douche bag.

The day was a busy one. I had a few parties to attend that night. I wasn’t really feeling up to going out because I went out the night before. But I committed to going. I reluctantly get ready for the nights events, not knowing what douche-baggery I was about to encounter in the Hawaii night life.

Clean, dry, was my body and hair. I threw on my brand new Doggy underwear and like a dress on prom night, I was off. We got to the event and looked around, a bee hive of action. We met the people that were running the event. They take us back to the VIP room for a drink. But, then they leave. So now it’s me and the people I came with and a whole bunch of strange beautiful women. Not that I’m complaining. One of them offers to pour us a shot of Patron. Who am I to deny such a shot of tasty goodness? As she makes the drinks, HE walks in. All 5’3 of him. A handsome looking asian, until he opened his mouth.

Douchebag: Woah! Woah! Who are THESE guys?

He looks at me as if I just slapped his mother for eating my chicken McNuggets.

Russel: We just wandered back here

Douchebag: What?

Russel: I’m just kidding, we were invited back here for a shot by the host.

Douchebag: Who?

Russel: The Host *add name here*

Just then, the girl looks up at us and says…

Girl: Patron right?

Douchebag: What? No. That’s Mine!

The girl continues to pour 3 shots totally oblivious to what the little man had told her. It was obvious that little man was drunk already. His eyes were squinting, his speech was slurring, and like most douchbags, he became a little too punchy.

*Douche bag points to my friends*

Douchebag: Who are THESE guys? Are they with you?

Russel: Yes, they came with me to help celebrate this festive occasion.

Douchebag picks up a fresh cup from the stack of cups for drinks. He looks into it and spits into it. THEN, he PUTS IT BACK with the fresh stack of cups. At this point, I don’t even want the shot anymore. The girl starts pouring into cups from THE FRESH STACK of cups. She finishes the drinks and begins to walk away. Just then D-Bag, grabs her by the wrist and pulls her back very roughly…

Douchebag: Hey, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

She said something to the effect that she was going with her friends…

Douchebag: You were making a drink. Finish making it.

But it was already made. He looks at the cups of patron, looks at us, sighs, and shoves the cup in my face in an almost force feeding kind of way.

Douchebag: HERE!

He hands them out and I look at him and politely ask…

Russel: What’s your name?

Douchebag: You don’t KNOW ME?

He told me who he was, but at this point I didn’t care. I took my shot and walked out of the room and out of the venue.

Russel: What a fucking douchebag! Giving us a fucking attitude and getting all defensive about nothing.

The rest of the night I thought to myself, I just should have stayed home. I guess I finally got it out of my system. It sucks how one little thing can ruin a person’s night. I must accept that douchebaggery runs rampant amongst the nation, I just hope the next time I run into one, they have their mom with them. So she can see his unfortunate ways and so I can offer her a chicken McNugget and give him something to be mad and punchy about