Boundaries Part. II

Saturday. Two days later, the owner of the master piece (Replica Dildo) is nowhere to be found. The rest of the villagers (roommates) are downstairs all sitting around the television. I tell them the story of what is now known as “The Big Brown Incident.” Frick I need to explain that eh?

Big Brown is the name of the master piece. My roomy did not read the box well. He assumed that his dildo was going to come back his skin color, white. The box said it would come back a DARK TONE. So when he got his package (tee hee hee) in the mail, boy was he surprised. But you know what they say, once you go black…well that doesn’t really apply here because he could have took it up with amazon. I can only imagine what he would say to the customer service representative. OK, big brown, let’s move on.

So we have a group of guys giggling like school girls. I made it a point to tell them, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT TO THE OWNER OF BIG BROWN (Who from here on out will be called WANG). Why? I don’t know if Wang wanted to share his rubber penis replica with the rest of the household. I also didn’t want things to get weirder than they already were. Finally, I wanted to forget the other night ever happened. If i had one of those flashy thingy’s they used in MIB, you wouldn’t need to tell me twice. I’d be looking into the little red light screaming “PUSH DAT FUCKA ALREADY!”

INT. HOME – EVENING.

I am getting ready to leave the house with a friend and Wang. My other roommates are in the living room looking at us and smiling, the shit eating grin kind of smile. I already knew where this was going, so I was trying to get Wang and my friend out of the house quickly. We were just about to walk out the door…and then it happened.

Roommate #1: Hey Wang, what did you sleep with the other night?

followed by soft giggles. With friends like that, who the fuck needs friends right? Right. Wang looks at me as if I was Maury Povich and just told him that HE. WAS. THE FATHER! I look at the floor because I can’t look him in the eye. This situation has officially become WEIRD AGAIN. I’m thinking, it can’t get any weirder right? WRONG! It got even more weirder when Wang retorted…

Wang: I slept with my dick mold, Big Brown.

MY. DICK. MOLD. You can’t make this shit up folks. Any sane person would have just left the situation and do something else. Not me. My dumb ass is in it to win it. I muster up the courage to say something that will save myself from this awkward moment. I look at Wang and say…

Russel: OK, uh…let’s go.

That’s all had in me. No big speech. No witty retort. What I should have done was listen to my advice and walk out the door before Roommate #2 says…

Roommate #2: Russel said you put it in your mouth!

Laughing ensued amongst the two ass hat trouble makers. I stand in the middle of the door way in shock. I look at Wang and say…

Russel: OK, uh…let’s go?

No big speech. No witty retort. What I should have done was listen to my advice and walk out the door before Roommate #1 says…

Roommate #1: I wanna see it!

No big speech. No witty retort. What I should have done was listen to my advice and walk out the door before Wang says…

Wang: OK.

You can’t make this shit up…To Be Continued…