I’m Breaking Up With You Jack…

It's Not You Jack, It's Me...

Jack. First off, you’re a great guy. You have been there when no one was around. When everyone’s doors closed on me, you were there welcoming me with open arms. No one has been there for me as much as you have. I cannot thank you for all the good things you have brought me in my life. BUT, we need to part ways.

Jack, Mr. In The Box, it’s not working for me anymore. You are killing me with kindness and I mean that in a literal way as well as a metaphorical way. Your cheap delicious food has kept me strong and NOT slim for years. Your Oreo cookie shakes not only fill my stomach, it also clogs my arteries and at it’s worst, it clogs my toilet. As I see my calorie count and weight go up, I see my life expectancy go down. That just won’t fly anymore. Today is my last day going through your convenient drive through window. I shall order a few chicken sandwiches for lunch, my last meal at your establishment. From there I will look for more frugal and healthier ways to nourish my tummy. I know, I’ve threatened to leave before. But this time, I mean it. I may not be giving up Mcdonalds or Burger King right away. I know it is not fair. But this is a weening process for me, and you drew the short straw. I hope you have no ill will towards me. I have no hard feelings about our relationship, we had some great times. Remember that time I got drunk and ravaged that Ultimate Cheeseburger? It was great right? Or what about that time I was so happy with my mini sirloin burgers, I got out of my car, and started shouting the mini sirloin burger song? You don’t remember that? OK, so that didn’t really happy, but I thought about it, really I did. I’m sorry, I’m rambling. The fact of the matter it’s over. I am moving on, in hopes to live a healthier and longer life. The King and Ronald Mcdonald will be leaving me soon as well. I’m sorry it had to come to this, but if it is of any consolation, Your fries are awesomely tasty bitch!