If it’s one thing I do not like, it’s ants! They are small little devils sent to the world by Satan to bite me, make me itch, and drive me bonkers! So it was of no surprise that when I started unpacking my bags in my new room, the site of ants crawling over my pants didn’t make me jump for joy. I quietly cursed them to hell as I smacked them off my clothes with conviction and purpose. Nobody crawls all over my pants but ME! And even then, I don’t crawl on my own pants, that’s just silly!
The second night sleeping in my new room was some what of a nightmare. There was still ants crawling on some of my clothes. That was my fault, I didn’t want to spank them anymore. I’m a hater, not an abuser. I was too lazy to conduct ant genocide today. As I was about to lay me down to sleep, I reached over for my air mask. Oh yeah, I have sleep apnea, so I use a mask that forces my air way open so that I continue breathing. You know, so I can live and stuff. This mask has a sensor. When it sense that I am in fact breathing, the machine will kick in and start blowing air into my mouth. But not this night. As I put on my mask and the sensor sense my breath, the machine turns on and air flows through my wide open mouth along with a whole bunch of fucking ants! I gagged, coughed, and gagged again. I turn on the lights, take off my mask, and look in the mirror. Ants all over my face and some in my mouth! Gross. Now I know how that dick head warden felt when John Coffee coughed all that crap into his mouth and made him mental. I washed out my mouth in disgust. Nothing could be more pride swallowing than swallowing fucking ants!
That is until I came into work this morning and ripped my shorts…Hopefully no one notices. Yeah right. FML. And I say that in the nicest way 
Gah that totally sucks. I hope your day gets better